Fell for a friend and now there is non? Just need some advice.

Well, where to start? I am a 30?s adult, had my fare share of bad luck in relationships but had some good ones too. Been married, divorced the B*** of hell 3 years ago, had a girlfriend a year after and now been flying solo a year since that ended. I am pretty content with my life and how things happened around me. Yet I have a question about a girl that I fell for and her behaviour just does not make sense.

We have known each other for a couple of years, but I would say in the last 6-7 months we became extremely close in friendship. She was flirtatious during this time and in her mid to late 20s. We do live 3 hours by plane apart. BBM during the day, every day, since 6am till 10pm and skype/phone calls some evenings. We were so involved in each other?s life?s it simply became habit. I knew everything of her, down to super personal stuff, even her ?womanly calendar?. (Can it get more personal?)

Long story short, she flew down a couple of times to visit me at the coast. We had great times, adventures, always in each other?s faces and enjoying every moment of it, I truly went out of my way to spoil her rotten. BUT, I realised I am now stuck in the ?friend zone? but managed to control my feelings towards her since she sometimes gave me the impression she is not interested in anything more. She openly admitted to me, and eventually every day, that she considers me as her ?best friend?. I don?t have best friends, only really close ones (and a few) and I did tell her that. Sorry, I don?t believe in that because I can?t place one friend above another. A Friend to me is all or nothing.

I was giving off signals that I really like her more than a friend, gifts, valentines crap, you name it and always great full and accepting but I just didn?t have the goons to tell her. I just never felt the right moment to tell her and I guess I was scare of loosing what we had. She was not like the others, and I never had a real lack in confidence, except this time. Don?t tell me she is so stupid not to sense this? Women are usually sharp at these things, right?

As per ritual she BB?d me early one morning and I obviously responded as usual. She then asked me how I allowed myself to fell in love again after my divorce. I told her it just happens, but pursuing it a matter of personal preference. She then said something that shot right through me. ?I have met someone but why does it feel weird telling you about it??. I thought WOW, here is it now. I let it ripped and tell her is it not because she knows I am into her? She told me she didn?t know I felt like THAT over her and she needs time to think. So I gave her time.

She later responded she don?t want to hurt me and whatnot and that she needs to cut things with me because she does not want to be the person that is responsible for my pain and that she do loves me. I told her short and simple she made her choice clear and I will accept it because she made her mind up and nothing I can say will change that. (not my 1st rejection).

2 days later she send me this massive email praising me, how great I am and adding again she does not want to be the one to hurt me etc. At that moment I could only read ?GUILT? for some reason or another. I thought about it for a while and send her an email back basically saying I wish it didn?t have to end like this and I do care for her but I hope the new fellow will love her and care for her as what she deserves and that I really treasure the time we spend together. I was feeling the hurt then but I knew that?s all I can do and that our friendship is lost. I don?t think she will ever look at me with the same eyes again, so I came to the conclusion time to move on.

She removed me from facebook and BBM (because her reason was not to upset me or something). I let it go and stay my distance. She text me a few days later telling me the same story of her not hurting me etc, I responded ?what?s done is done?. Again 3-4 days later the same time of text again but this time I could read deeper in that message that she actually misses me and I just responded ?I miss you too?. I was in a bike accident and she heard somehow. Text me again on how much I mean to her and that she is just glad I am ok. I just responded ?I will be ok, but thanks alot?. And now a few days later again I received a text saying she is just thinking of me and hope all is ok. I didn?t respond.

I though she is in a committed relationship, is she trying to mindf** me? I am on this website so probably yes. Is this regret of some sort? Or just guilt?

Yes, it is hard to let go, I know I have to but I am just abit confused at the moment.

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